watching the decline and fall of a house of cards

Monday, October 09, 2006

Our cast of would be players

As the feunix game runs down, it's worth profiling the remaining (wanna be) players in our farce. As always, additional comments are always welcomed...

Klutz – our homer simpson lookalike and doughnut hoovering CEO/CFO has certainly drunk deep of the MBA kool aid. Klutz has been on a power trip since taking the helm of the house of cards and his “strategy” has driven the once viable business to the wall – thinks he’s a doer but in reality is just another source of hot air. Klutz will screw anyone to make a buck – do not bend over in front of this guy, ask any ex. partner or partner company – maybe this is to make up for him being the junior “partner” at home?

Chappy – where do you start with this wig wearing hapless cock gobbler – Chapman joined feunix as the dog turd on the shoe of a JP deal and has worked his hapless uncle act to screw over many a young (lady) boy that might get in his way. Engaged by day in a battle with Klutz over who gets out alive in the death march, Chappy also has the $3M loan on the shakey shack hanging over his head. With a double-ender of business disasters looming, Chappy and his illegal alian brother have a very worrying few months in front of them. Maybe the hapless chapster brothers should return to their blackpool (England) roots and try selling “Kiss-me quick” hats in Coney Island.

"Da Head" – former heroin addict and dock worker Donna is the feunix attack dog. A “meeting” with Donna is almost certain to result in getting the chop (it did for me). Not sure where the moniker “Da Head” came from, (anyone who’s met her will attest what a gruesome thought that would be), but a girls gotta do something to justify her $250k base.

New York based Hedge Fund, Cadence Capital: a very strange alliance even by feunix standards. It seems that the “Hedge fund” is little more than a shell trading operation set up by Dmitry Babayev and his girlfriend Paige Durivage, quite what Cadence will get out of the alliance with the house of cards is unclear; clearly klutz and co. will do anything to claim that they are another client in the ever expanding hedge fund practice, but what is the truth behind this partenership?

To date, our friend “Huge”, hasn’t been able to get much background on Dmitry (had to leave citco in a hurry – any link to feunix?) or Paige (rumoured to be a former Hooters girl). Maybe you have some more details you would care to share?